Should I Give-up and Quit?

"If life gives you lemons, use them to hit the obstacles in your way." 

"Trials are about perspective, not comparison."

For the past year I have run my own company in the hopes of retiring at the age of 40 so I could go and serve missions for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, with my family, for the rest of my life. I wouldn't say I thought it would be easy setting out on this journey, but I definitely didn't expect it to be so hard either.

Recently I took a project in Colorado, and brought one of my best friends along so he could share in the spoils of the project. We were suppose to tear down two homes on a property, we figured it would take not so much time, and we would be on our way home with some good cash in our pockets. Here is the list of what happened.

What Happened on This Project

1. there were large steel I-beams under one house because it was a modular home, the company hiring us didn't tell us about this, nor told me it was a modular home, nor did they take pictures of the steel, these things are huge and cumbersome to get rid of. 
2. The company informed me it would take 3-4 dumpsters to get rid of the material, when in reality it was going to take 10 dumpsters.
3. The house had been burned in a fire, part of it and it made it very precarious to demolish, as the money they were willing to pay didn't really allow for a large piece of equipment to be rented we resorted to destroying this thing by hand, so it was a little precarious, and we thought we could do it. 
4. After having worked for 72 hours straight, after already having spent a week on it, yes you read that right, non-stop for 72 hours, I was about to lose it. 
5. When it came time for the cleanup phase, we realized we weren't going to make the deadline, and that it would require a lot more money to get this done right. There were short cuts we could have taken such as burying a lot of the material, but it isn't right to do that. 
6. I quit, and came home and left the job incomplete, something I have never done in my life before. Because I realized I hadn't kept my priorities (in the business sense). 

I came out of this project in the negative by a lot, not just a little but a lot. It really makes me wonder if any of this is worth it anymore. In the last year since starting my business (which before I started my business I was offered a good salaried position with a company in Colorado, with a truck allowance, benefits, bonus, etc.) I walked away from that offer because I felt the Lord wanted me to start a business, and it has only been hell ever since, haha, is it really worth it? Lets sum up the last year. 

The Highlights of 2014

1. I made less money than I have since I was 16 years old. Excluding the mission. 
2. I have had to ask people for money (I have never done that in my life)
3. I have had to go without some simple things (which also has never happened)
4. I had my truck engine seize, a car light on fire, and my other car messed up by a mechanic (luckily I got my last car fixed). 

Those are the major events for this last year, which when put together are really tough to deal with. I have learned a lot along the way, and some days I just want to die because it is so tough, I know it will be worth it in the end. That doesn't make anything any easier. 

The Reasons I am Doing This Still

1. Have felt for a very long time the Lord wants me to prepare myself financially so I can serve him in whatever capacity he sees fit. 
2. I have a desire to do all I can to relieve human suffering
3. I desire to be with my children, to spend time with them, and help my wife raise the children rather than be at a job 9-5 so I can just provide them with money. My desire is to be there with my children, to raise them to serve the Lord and to do good in the world. 
4. I want to raise my kids in the mission field, wherever that may be, I think it would be a wonderful way to raise my children. 

Things I Learned This Last Year

1. I have AMAZING friends! They have been there for me so much this past year and I couldn't have done any of this without them. 
2. My family has been a huge support to me throughout this ordeal. 
3. I have learned to humble myself enough that I can ask for help from others and allow others to know my burdens and share in those burdens with me. 
4. Most of what I go through is swept away when I see a post from a friend on Facebook saying their friend passed away, I would rather go through what I am going through than lose a dear friend or family member. 
5. The Lord always provides and sometimes he provides through friends, and sometimes I just have to ask. 
6. I am where I am suppose to be, though almost everyday I want to just quit and get a regular job and not worry about it anymore. 
7. Most people aren't cut out for this, especially if I was dating someone, I have realized I am cut out to be an Entrepreneur, but that doesn't mean those of whom I date, or possibly marry have what it takes, its not easy to find someone who is okay with the tough times like this in order to gain a greater reward. 

Yes, things are super difficult because of this, I have stretched myself thin on multiple occasions, and it was because I stretched myself thin on this last job that I had to walk away because I hadn't kept my business priorities straight, which is okay, you win some and you lose some. 

I know it will all be worth it in the end, I have a land deal that if all goes well, this will all be history, to some extent and things will be easier, but that is the life of being an Entrepreneur, it will be easier once this happens, or this, and it just keeps getting harder sometimes, but if I am to serve the Lord, I must go through the refiners fire, and sometimes it doesn't look half bad when I see the trials of others, but then again it is all about perspective.