Slowdown and Become.......

The last few weeks I spent working in California on a house for my business partners brother. My business partner, Mark, has over 30 years of experience in the construction industry and I am learning a lot from him everyday. On one particular day this last week Mark gave me the following advice "William, slowdown and become a craftsman."

Today while in church, I went to a different ward than usual because I was too exhausted to go to my typical 9am sacrament meeting. During the passing of the bread and water the young man (about 12 years old) had two trays and was very efficient at getting his section, the bread and water. I could tell he would time the one tray just right with the passing of the other tray so no one was waiting for him to come and grab it and then it was off to the next row of folks. This young man I could tell had a great love for people as he would smile very politely and even wave to a few of them on a row, but he also got frustrated with people when they didn't seem to do things very efficiently in passing the tray down the row. While he was doing this I wanted to say to him "slowdown and become the Master."

As I said these words to this young man in my own head, I realized I really need that advice in my life. To slowdown and become more like my Savior Jesus Christ. I do so many things in my life that I don't know how I keep up at all, and sometimes I don't keep up, I just tread water and try and get through it. I currently own a construction company that I am actively seeking to build into a large business, a land developing company I am trying to also build, an outdoor marketing company that is launching very soon, a wonderful church calling, and a volunteer for Team Rubicon as their programs coordinator, oh and Adventures With Will, and....not to mention all the adventures I go on and the climbing I do and workouts.

Here I am, doing all of these things, accomplishing a lot, seeking bigger and loftier goals, doing a lot of good things. What I really realized today, is I need to focus more on becoming like my Savior, this doesn't mean I haven't had things I am working on to be more Christlike, but with everything going on I haven't left myself enough time to focus more on being like Christ. I haven't done enough to slowdown and really look at myself and make myself more into being who Heavenly Father wants me to be. All the things I am doing will take care of themselves and are material in comparison to becoming more like Christ, for that is Eternal Life.

For those who are doing a lot in their life, this advice I give, slow down and become who you want to become. Become the master of your skill. Hence the reason of the title "slowdown and become....." It is up to you who and what you become, and I have chosen to be more like my Savior Jesus Christ.

Many of us have a desire to do it all, and I am very guilty of this, but to slowdown and enjoy the journey a little bit more, to really focus on becoming a better person and not just accomplishing a list, is something that will stick with each of us forever. If we are very successful and we are jerks because we didn't take the time to become a better person, then our success won't matter. Slowdown and enjoy yourself a little bit more and the journey.

P.S. If you haven't sat and just watched a sunrise or sunset lately, I highly recommend you go and do it, nothing is more rejuvenating.

Should I Give-up and Quit?

"If life gives you lemons, use them to hit the obstacles in your way." 

"Trials are about perspective, not comparison."

For the past year I have run my own company in the hopes of retiring at the age of 40 so I could go and serve missions for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, with my family, for the rest of my life. I wouldn't say I thought it would be easy setting out on this journey, but I definitely didn't expect it to be so hard either.

Recently I took a project in Colorado, and brought one of my best friends along so he could share in the spoils of the project. We were suppose to tear down two homes on a property, we figured it would take not so much time, and we would be on our way home with some good cash in our pockets. Here is the list of what happened.

What Happened on This Project

1. there were large steel I-beams under one house because it was a modular home, the company hiring us didn't tell us about this, nor told me it was a modular home, nor did they take pictures of the steel, these things are huge and cumbersome to get rid of. 
2. The company informed me it would take 3-4 dumpsters to get rid of the material, when in reality it was going to take 10 dumpsters.
3. The house had been burned in a fire, part of it and it made it very precarious to demolish, as the money they were willing to pay didn't really allow for a large piece of equipment to be rented we resorted to destroying this thing by hand, so it was a little precarious, and we thought we could do it. 
4. After having worked for 72 hours straight, after already having spent a week on it, yes you read that right, non-stop for 72 hours, I was about to lose it. 
5. When it came time for the cleanup phase, we realized we weren't going to make the deadline, and that it would require a lot more money to get this done right. There were short cuts we could have taken such as burying a lot of the material, but it isn't right to do that. 
6. I quit, and came home and left the job incomplete, something I have never done in my life before. Because I realized I hadn't kept my priorities (in the business sense). 

I came out of this project in the negative by a lot, not just a little but a lot. It really makes me wonder if any of this is worth it anymore. In the last year since starting my business (which before I started my business I was offered a good salaried position with a company in Colorado, with a truck allowance, benefits, bonus, etc.) I walked away from that offer because I felt the Lord wanted me to start a business, and it has only been hell ever since, haha, is it really worth it? Lets sum up the last year. 

The Highlights of 2014

1. I made less money than I have since I was 16 years old. Excluding the mission. 
2. I have had to ask people for money (I have never done that in my life)
3. I have had to go without some simple things (which also has never happened)
4. I had my truck engine seize, a car light on fire, and my other car messed up by a mechanic (luckily I got my last car fixed). 

Those are the major events for this last year, which when put together are really tough to deal with. I have learned a lot along the way, and some days I just want to die because it is so tough, I know it will be worth it in the end. That doesn't make anything any easier. 

The Reasons I am Doing This Still

1. Have felt for a very long time the Lord wants me to prepare myself financially so I can serve him in whatever capacity he sees fit. 
2. I have a desire to do all I can to relieve human suffering
3. I desire to be with my children, to spend time with them, and help my wife raise the children rather than be at a job 9-5 so I can just provide them with money. My desire is to be there with my children, to raise them to serve the Lord and to do good in the world. 
4. I want to raise my kids in the mission field, wherever that may be, I think it would be a wonderful way to raise my children. 

Things I Learned This Last Year

1. I have AMAZING friends! They have been there for me so much this past year and I couldn't have done any of this without them. 
2. My family has been a huge support to me throughout this ordeal. 
3. I have learned to humble myself enough that I can ask for help from others and allow others to know my burdens and share in those burdens with me. 
4. Most of what I go through is swept away when I see a post from a friend on Facebook saying their friend passed away, I would rather go through what I am going through than lose a dear friend or family member. 
5. The Lord always provides and sometimes he provides through friends, and sometimes I just have to ask. 
6. I am where I am suppose to be, though almost everyday I want to just quit and get a regular job and not worry about it anymore. 
7. Most people aren't cut out for this, especially if I was dating someone, I have realized I am cut out to be an Entrepreneur, but that doesn't mean those of whom I date, or possibly marry have what it takes, its not easy to find someone who is okay with the tough times like this in order to gain a greater reward. 

Yes, things are super difficult because of this, I have stretched myself thin on multiple occasions, and it was because I stretched myself thin on this last job that I had to walk away because I hadn't kept my business priorities straight, which is okay, you win some and you lose some. 

I know it will all be worth it in the end, I have a land deal that if all goes well, this will all be history, to some extent and things will be easier, but that is the life of being an Entrepreneur, it will be easier once this happens, or this, and it just keeps getting harder sometimes, but if I am to serve the Lord, I must go through the refiners fire, and sometimes it doesn't look half bad when I see the trials of others, but then again it is all about perspective. 

Repentance is Real.

A poem on repentance I wrote some years ago.  I testify that the atonement is for each and everyone one of us. No matter how far along we are in our progress there is always something the Lord can help us do. Jesus didn't come to just help us when we sinned, but any negative thing in this life, Jesus Christ is there to help us, to help us become more like our Heavenly Father. Any negative thoughts we have about ourselves, others, negative things done to us, all of these things can be overcome through the Atonement of our Savior. I know it, I have experienced it, I no longer have faith that the Atonement works, I have a knowledge, because I know, I too have been on a dark path, and seen the light. Start using your savior today to help you in your life and your journey towards your becoming more like your Heavenly Father.

Set me free form this world of wo
Set me free I pray
Set me free from my misery
Set me free form my pain
Set me free I pray

I have sinned my lord
Once again,
I have done it once more.

What shall I do
how long till that morning,
that morning of brilliance forever?

I don't know if I can go on,
I am nothing, I am miserable,
I am lost, afraid, lonely.

Where is the spirit,
where is the friendship I once had
It is gone, where art thou?

I plead with the Lord,
Where are you,
where am I?

"my child, my child
you are not alone
for I am always with thee

Be not discouraged,
for I have drunk-
of the bitter cup for thee.

The sorrow you feel is Godly,
the pain you feel is natural
the sin you have is forgiven.

Do not give up
do not give up,
that brilliant morning will come.

Come dear child, come
for when the war is past,
friands at first, will be friends again at last.

At last, at the brilliant morning, I will embrace you, and say:
"Welcome home my child, thy work is done,
you are forgiven, I have suffered, the debt is paid.""

I am Selfish!

Tonight, i did something I have never done before in my life, I severed a friendship, well...it wasn't exactly a friendship, it was a broken, dismantled, dating relationship, yea, super odd. This girl, who is an amazing person, has been written about in a previous post about drawing the line. I did do all I could to love her unconditionally and be there for her, etc, but as I continued I noticed I was being ignored and kicked to the curb, lied to, and taken advantage of.

I realized I had to severe this relationship before it ruined anything in my life, mainly my dating life. I soon learned that having her in my life was going to affect my future relationships as she would continue needing me and I would drop everything and run to her aid. I know that when I date a woman, she needs to know she is the only one that I love and care about deeply, so tonight, I severed the relationship.

She apologized to me for using me to fulfill her needs because she didn't have a support system. She said that she now has a good support system and would no longer need me, was I totally used, yes I was definitely used.  I regret nothing for being there for her, if anything I would have honestly regretted later in life not being there for her if she really needed me. Now at this point in life she can be on her own, if she really needs me, I can't be there, this seems so harsh, but I know it is for the best for me, my future relationships, and for her as well. Part of me feels evil for doing this, but I know that is only a small part of me and not the good conscience part of me.

Sometimes you need to do something for yourself, to help yourself out so you can do more for others.  Does this seem Christlike? Yes it does to me, to allow her to grow on her own, because I know I have a grand support system of friends who are there for me, but I know there are times I just tough it out and move on, and I have faith she will do the same. I do not feel as though I am going back on my word from my previous post of having no line, because I didn't draw a line here, I saw a line, for the one I will love in the future, and how I do not want to hurt them, nor will I hurt them by not allowing myself to let go and move on from this previous relationship.

I feel FREE, ALIVE, and I feel like a kid again. For those who know me, I really am a kid at heart and I feel so alive now, I bawled after because I felt so light, and felt as though I could once again, be the kid at heart that I am, ALIVE, VULNERABLE, AND TEACHABLE. It is truly a great feeling.

I feel absolutely no animosity towards this girl, I am filled with love, and part of me hurts, and has a small void, but in time that will soon heal, maybe a few days or a few weeks, but I feel it will be much shorter than expected as I rely on my Savior Jesus Christ to help me fill this void. I will never regret being there for someone, never, no never, will I forsake anyone in need.


Tonight, I was selfish, and did something for myself, but in the end it wasn't even for me, I did it because I want the next woman in my life to know I care and love them 100% and there is no one else.

“I have wept in the night
At my shortness of sight
That to others' needs made me blind,
But I never have yet
Had a twinge of regret
For being a little too kind.”

― C.R. Gibson